The following books and videos have been helpful to myself and to many grieving parents who have lost a child, whether it was to EB or not.

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Books to help Grieving Parents

Hannah's Gift: Lessons from a Life Fully Lived by Maria Housden Hannah's Gift addresses a mother's deepest fear: the death of a child. Amazingly, Maria Housden's skillful writing and mature understanding of grief make this a spiritually inspiring story about life. Housden is eager for us to learn all the lessons Hannah offered while she was dying of cancer, such as wearing red shoes that click and sparkle when you walk and never letting a doctor touch you without knowing their first name. For the reader, however, the most compelling character is Housden, a mother who endures the unfathomable. One morning Housden looks at her face in the mirror and realizes, "The grief that once threatened to swallow me up had found a home in my bones. My suffering wasn't something I was going to have to let go of; it became part of what I had to offer, part of who I am." Sure, you're going to cry. But it's the kind of heart-cracking-open cry that comes from an abundance of feelings: sorrow for this wise and gut-honest narrator; tenderness for Will, the loyal older brother that Hannah left behind; and love for this baffling, wonderful life that gives us gifts like Hannah. --Gail Hudson

A Silent Sorrow: Pregnancy Loss - Guidance and Support for You and Your Family by Ingrid Kohn, Perry-Lynn Moffitt, Isabelle A. Wilkins (Contributor), Michael R. Berman From Kirkus Reviews In this comforting, thorough second edition of the 1993 guide for those who have suffered the loss of a pregnancy, Kohn, a social worker (and founder of the National Council of Jewish Women's Pregnancy Loss Support Program), and Moffit (a lay counselor for that program) sympathetically address the full range of tragedies, including miscarriage, ectopic pregnancy, losses following a medical crisis, stillbirth, newborn death, and having to end a pregnancy because the baby's or mother's life or health is compromised. Using the term pregnancy loss to ``embrace all losses that occur whenever a wanted pregnancy has ended,'' they begin by explaining the special nature of grief that follows losing a baby. ``No matter what kind of pregnancy you experienced,'' they counsel, ``you are probably unprepared for the anguish you feel . . . you have lost a baby who was a real part of you and your hoped-for future.'' The authors consider the ways the experience of loss differs for mothers and fathers, the ways the relationship may be changed, and the medical, practical, and emotional issues for each type of pregnancy loss. ``The Response of Others'' considers the reactions of family and friends, and helping other children and grieving grandparents cope. Finally, ``Special Circumstances'' addresses career issues, infertility, and the possibility of subsequent pregnancies. A helpful update reflecting changes in both medical care and the social climate. -- Copyright ©2000, Kirkus Associates, LP. All rights reserved.

Forever Remembered by Dan Zadra (Compiler), Marcia Woodard Grieving the loss of a loved one can be a lonely and devastating experience. This book coupled with caring friends and loving family is sure to help ease the sorrow and bring enormous comfort. Each page of reveals a unique personal and treasured insight on grieving-many of them from a well-known celebrity or beloved public figure. these tender and remarkable messages remind us that regardless of fame or fortune grief inevitably touches each of our lives. But the essential message is one of hope: life does go on it must go on. In fact it is by living out our lives with the memories of our loved ones sheltered safely in our hearts that we honor and cherish them best.

Empty Cradle, Broken Heart : Surviving the Death of Your Baby by Deborah L. Davis The heartache of miscarriage, stillbirth, or infant death affects families everywhere. The impact is great; the aftermath difficult. Empty Cradle, Broken Heart offers reassurance to parents who struggle with anger, guilt, and despair. Deborah Davis, Ph.D., encourages grieving and makes suggestions for coping. Incisive comments from parents who have suffered through the death of a baby convincingly relay this message: "You are not alone and you can survive." Doctors, nurses, relatives, and friends eager to lend support will find these suggestions enlightening.

An Empty Cradle, a Full Heart : Reflections for Mothers and Fathers After Miscarriage, Stillbirth, or Infant Deaths by Christine O'Keeffe Lafser, Phyllis Tickle Comfort and hope for parents after infant death. Nearly a million parents suffer a miscarriage or infant death every year. Theirs can be a lonely, quiet grief--with many deep emotions experienced but not easily expressed. This collection of more than a hundred short meditations beautifully interweaves these overwhelming and very real feelings of bereaved parents with scripture passages that provide comfort, direction, and a sense of hope. "The book features short reflections--many of them hers--interspersed with Scriptures from the Bible. There is a section for mothers and one for fathers. The book is intended to be poignant and uplifting, to make those who have experienced such sadness remember and knowingly nod their heads and realize that someone else has felt the same misery. It is intended to help the rest of us understand, at least a little.' --Bill Lohmann, RICHMOND-TIMES DISPATCH, 10/06/98 "'O'Keefe Lafser originally wrote " An Empty Cradle, A Full Heart" for a niece who lost a child. She alternates reflections about the intense loss--drawn from her personal experience and from conversations with others who have lost children--with Scripture passages that echo the parent's sorrow, but also offer comfort, direction, and a sense of hope." --Heidi Schlumpf, NEW WORLD 10/11/98.

How to Survive the Loss of a Child : Filling the Emptiness and Rebuilding Your Life by Catherine M. Sander, Catherine Sanders Book Description: Parents who suffer the death of a child must endure excruciating grief, and they often need help to reach the final stage of healing and renewal. Writing from personal experience and with professional expertise, Dr. Catherine M. Sanders provides a healing guide for one of life's most devastating experiences. Dr. Sanders explains the grieving process with compassion and insight. She also advises other family members and friends in how to assist the grieving parents and to cope with their own sense of loss. Synopsis: Sanders writes from her own personal experience, the death of her son, to create a book that seeks out the grieving process and eventually helps other grieving parents. This book deals with the five phases of bereavement, describing the symptoms and helping the bereaved to understand the normality of what they are feeling.

After the Death of a Child : Living With Loss Through the Years By Ann K. Finkbeiner A book that explores our own resilience in the midst of one of the most distressful forms of human suffering, the death of a child. Because children aren't supposed to die, the loss is not only painful but profoundly disorienting. Finkbeiner, whose only child died in 1987, refers to her own experience and the experience of others to show that while bereaved parents can never really let go, they can and do recover, often developing a new appreciation for their own lives. Says one parent: "You just don't treat life as lightly, and if you don't treat things lightly, they do become richer.".

Empty Arms: Coping After Miscarriage, Stillbirth and Infant Death by Sherokee Ilse (Editor) A classic, this book was one of the first to offer support to families after their baby's death and to guide caregivers in their support of these families. With over 250,000 in print, this book touches the hearts of families at the time of their loss and over time as they heal. No matter how, or at what age or gestational age a baby dies, their parents are invited to be supported by Sherokee and her husband David, who themselves have been there. With compassion, guidance and practical suggestions are offered for the decision-making at the time (including why and how one might see, hold, and memorialize one's baby) and over time (such as how to handle such times as anniversaries, holidays, the birth of other babies in the parents close circle.) An excellent bibliography and resource section is included.

When the Bough Breaks : Forever After the Death of a Son or Daughter by Judith R. Bernstein, Nora Donaghy (Editor) Bernstein argues that parents don't recover from the death of a child so much as they adapt to it, forever altering the way they think and act--often with negative consequences. To provide some understanding of this complex situation, she interviewed 55 parents whose children had died. This research, plus her own experiences (Bernstein's son died when he was 25), allows her to examine the various stages of grief, the mourning process, the effects on family and social relationships, and the emotional differences between facing a sudden death (such as a murder) and an anticipated death (such as a terminal illness). She also probes the different ways men and women tend to mourn. This can cause problems, especially when a husband's comparative reticence makes a wife believe that he's relatively unaffected by the death of their child. Compassionate and revealing, it should aid both mental-health professionals and parents dealing with this kind of devastating loss. Brian McCombie.

I'll Hold You in Heaven : Healings and Hope for the Parent of a Miscarried, Aborted, or Stillborn Child by Jack W. Hayford Compassionate Answers for Parents' Most Troubling Questions. Parents who have lost a child before birth, or soon after, experience a special kind of grief. Pastor Jack Hayford offers this warm, encouraging, hopeful message to these parents and answers questions such as: What happened to my baby after it died? Will I ever see my baby again, and will I recognize him? What happes if I've had an abortion? Does God have a reason for letting my child die? How can I help a friend who's in grief? God showed His tenderness when David lost the child he had had with Bathsheba shortly after its birth. In his pain and grief, David spoke the word of revelation, the reassuring word of God's truth, saying, "I will go to (my child) but he will not return to me" (2 Samuel 12:19-23).

The Christmas Box by Richard Paul Evans Richard Paul Evans originally wrote The Christmas Box as an expression of love for his two daughters, never intending for it to be published. Many Christmas seasons (and a rich publishing contract) later, this touching tale relates the meaning of Christmas in a profound but simple way. Rick, Keri, and their 4-year-old daughter, Jenna, are hired as caretakers and are welcomed into the home of Mary, an ailing widow, just in time for the holidays. Before long, it becomes apparent that Mary cherishes their companionship, and this young family begins to understand that their relationship to Mary is more special than any one of them could have realized. These tender relationships, fraught with real-life struggles, are the backdrop for unraveling a mysterious secret that gently propels the reader through this short story. Unlike most generic Christmas stories, Evans manages to bypass triviality, imbedding these pages with humble truth and emotion. This tiny treasure will cause you to rejoice in the blessings of the season while stirring up a childlike vigor as old profundity is revealed anew. In a season often shrouded in selfishness and materialism, Evans reminds the reader that the only way that we can genuinely love one another is by accepting the greatest gift of love ever given--that of a Father who "so loved His children that He sent His son, that we might someday return to Him." --Jill Heatherly

Pregnancy After a Loss: A Guide to Pregnancy After a Miscarriage, Stillbirth or Infant Death by Carol Cirulli Lanham "A 'must-have' guide for the devastated couple dealing with the many questions and fears that occur with a subsequent pregnancy." --Candace Hurley, Executive Director/Founder, Sidelines National Support Network For a woman who has experienced a miscarriage, stillbirth, or the death of an infant, conceiving another child can be fraught with mixed emotions. This guide, filled with up-to-date medical information and written by a woman who herself experienced a successful pregnancy after the loss of her first baby, can help women cope with their anxiety. It offers guidance for women asking such questions as: * Why did it happen--and how can I make sure it doesn't happen again? * Will my next pregnancy be considered high-risk? * How long should I wait before getting pregnant again? * What can I expect at prenatal exams? * Will I ever be able to love another baby as much as I love the one I lost? Pregnancy after a loss can be a time of great emotional upheaval--but also, a time of healing and hope. With this sensible, sensitive guide, women can put their minds at ease--and learn to look forward to the future as they make peace with the past. "Compassionate and comprehensive." --Perry-Lynn Moffitt, coauthor of A Silent Sorrow: Pregnancy Loss * Contains up-to-the-minute medical advice and information * Unlike other books about pregnancy loss that focus solely on the grieving process, Pregnancy After a Loss helps women to prepare, both psychologically and physically, for a new pregnancy

The Gift of a Memory : A Keepsake to Commemorate the Loss of a Loved One by Marianne Richmond (Illustrator) A one-of-a-kind keepsake, the Gift of a Memory commemorates the loss of a special life. Through a heartfelt poem and beautiful illustrations, the book recounts the emotional journey of loss and offers the reader a wish for comfort and for hope in life again. A fill-in-the-blank format allows recipients to personalize the story. A journal in the back of the book lets family and friends preserve special memories and photos to create a truly precious memento.

Journeys: Stories of Pregnancy After Loss (Paperback) by Amy L. Abbey Not all pregnancies end with a healthy child going home from the hospital in the arms of its happy parents. There is a little recognized reality that many pregnancies end in predelivery death in utero. There are numerous reasons for such tragedies, but often the loss is unexplainable. Amy L. Abbey as author and editor, has gathered the stories of almost a dozen families, and shares how the families coped with loss and went on to have successful pregnancies.  About the Author Amy L. Abbey has been a health educator for eighteen years and is the past President of the Greater New York Society for Health Education. After marrying her husband Eric in 1999, and becoming stepmother to Alex, she gave birth to her son Solomon, stillborn in 2000. She has gone on to have two healthy children, Alison and Adam.

More Books for Bereaved Parents: (Thank You Brenda for this list) The Bereaved Parent. Harriet H. Schiff, Penguin books, 1978 Written by a bereaved parent, this book explores the feelings and frustrations of those who suffer the loss of a child. Practical suggestion to take one day at a time. Children Die, Too. Joy Johnson and S.M. Johnson, Omaha: Centering Corporation 1984 Avery short book that discusses the very real responses many bereave parents experience. The Grief of Parents When a child dies. Margaret S. Miles, Oak Brook, IL: A short, easy-to-read book, especially helpful in the early days of grief. Note: This book is out of print. Try looking for it at Half.com No New Baby. M. Gryte. Omaha: Centering Corp. 1988 An easy to read book to help families understand their feelings when a baby dies. Dear Parents. Omaha: Centering Corp 1988 Letters from bereaved parents, siblings and others to help a bereaved parent know they can go forward with their lives after a death. Coping with sudden infant death. J. Defrain, J. Taylor and L. Ernst. Lexington MA Lexington books 1982 A scientific and sensitive exploration of SIDS Phenomenon. Reaction of parents and community and long term issues facing parents. Includes parental accounts and an optimistic view of how families survive and grow. Note: This book is out of print. Try looking for it at Half.com Healing a father’s Grief. William Schatz, Richmond VA: Medic publishing Co 1984 Written by a bereaved father who offers hope and courage to other fathers as they struggle through the loneliness that fathers often feel in grief. Practical suggestions are offered to fathers who often grieve very differently than moms. Note: This book is out of print. Try looking for it at Half.com Fathers Grieve, Too Omaha: centering corp. 1989 A short easy to read book especially for dads. Also very helpful for moms to understand what husbands may be feeling when their child dies. Note: This book is out of print. Try looking for it at Half.com Song for Sarah. Paula D’Arcy, Wheaton IL: Harold shaw publishers 1980 A sensitive book of letters written from a mom to her little girl during pregnancy and Sarah’s short life. The letters continue after Sarah and her dad are killed in a motor vehicle accident and show the struggle of the mom and her eventual growth. Note: This book is out of print. Try looking for it at Half.com Before and After my child died. J. Fischoff and N. O’Brien-Broh,   Detroit: Emmons Fairfield publishing co. 1981 A collection of beautiful short stories by parents, honestly telling the frustrations and pain they have suffered and the support they have received. Note: This book is out of print. Try looking for it at Half.com God is a bird watcher. Linda Musser, Omaha: Centering corp 1991 Diary of a mom who is also a nurse after her 18-year-old son dies. Meditations for the bereaved parent. Judy Osgood, Sunriver, OR: Giligal publishers 1984 Gentle thoughts from other bereaved parents.

Books to help Siblings/Children

What's Heaven? by Maria Shriver, Sandra Speidel (Illustrator) How do you explain death to children? How do you help them understand the loss of a loved one? Journalist Maria Shriver was faced with this dilemma when her grandmother, Rose, died. Her discussions with her oldest daughter, Katherine, who was six at the time, became the inspiration for Shriver's first book for children, What's Heaven? This touching story, beautifully illustrated by award-winning artist Sandra Speidel, is an important tool for other parents trying to explain the mystery of death to their children. What's Heaven? tells the story of Kate, a young girl struggling to understand the loss of her great-grandmother. Kate is full of innocent and thought-provoking questions young children ask--why do people die? How do they get to Heaven? What is it like? Kate's questions are real, coming from Maria Shriver's own children, nieces, and nephews as they coped with their own family's loss. As they prepare for Great-Grandma's funeral, Kate's mother gives warm and reassuring explanations that help Kate (and the reader) understand that death and grieving are a natural part of life. Death eventually touches every family, and it can be hard for parents to talk about this difficult topic. Combining her skills as a journalist with her experiences as a devoted mom, Maria Shriver has created a beautiful book that parents of all faiths can share with their children.

Helping Children Grieve : When Someone They Love Dies by Theresa Huntley Children are bewildered and full of questions when a grandparent, friend, or someone they love dies. We want to help, and yet the needs of a five-year-old are very different from those of an older child. Theresa Huntley shows how children at various ages understand death and offers positive ways for parents and other caring adults to help them grieve. This book will help you listen to children, answer their questions, and guide them in coping with their feelings. Also included are helps for dealing with the behavior changes that often accompany a child's grief. .

Balloons for Trevor : Understanding Death (Comforting Little Hearts Series) by Anne Good Cave, Janice Skivington (Illustrator) From the Author: This is not a book about death; it is a book about grief. When my son's best friend died, I searched in vain for a book to help him through the grief process. This is not a children's book about death; it is a children's book about grief. This book will help children to process their grief and open up to their parents. It will help parents to understand the behaviors they may see when their children are grieving. There are practical suggestions for helping children to acknowledge and process their feelings.

Recovering from the Loss of a Sibling by Katherine Fair Donnelly, Madeleine Toomey Pflaumbaum (Preface) A book of hope and healing, Recovering From the Loss of a Sibling is the first book for those who have experienced the death of a brother or sister. It addresses the many questions, fears and feelings of surviving siblings of all ages, such as: Will this soon happen to me? It should have been me. Why wasn't it? God must have punished me for the time when I was so mean to my brother. My sister was my parents' favorite and I don't seem to count to them. At work, they have no idea what I'm going through. They think I'm just a sibling. All the focus is on my parents, not my grief. When a brother or sister dies, surviving siblings may receive little support or even recognition of their pain. Parents are so grief-stricken at the loss of a child that they often find themselves unable to cope with the needs of their surviving children. With family and friends concentrating on the parents' tragedy, the suffering of siblings often goes unnoticed. These intimate, true stories provide valuable insight, demonstrating that the reader is not alone and that others have gone through this devastating experience and have survived. In these pages, sisters and brothers share their innermost feelings, wanting others to gain comfort from their experiences. Recovering From the Loss of a Sibling also serves as a compassionate aid to friends, co-workers, teachers, family members, and the helping professions.

Someday Heaven by Larry Libby, Wayne McLoughlin (Illustrator) From the Back Cover Where is Heaven? Have you ever watched the clouds when the sun slips low into the sky? Sometimes before you see the nights first little star, you can almost see castles and great houses in the clouds. You can almost imagine the setting sun reflecting gold and red of Heaven's high windows. - Does God's home look like that? - Will He take me to His home someday? - What will it be like? It's okay to have questions about Heaven -- we all do. There are some things we do know, because the Bible tells us a little about it. But there are many things we don't know. Heaven is more incredible and glorious than we can picture in our minds. But I don't think God would mind if we used our imaginations to try, just a little. Do you? --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title. .

Flying Hugs and Kisses by Jewel Sample, Lori Kiplinger Pandy (Illustrator)  About The Book: Flying Hugs and Kisses is about five children who creatively take on roles of support toward each other while showing their individual feelings about the death of their baby brother. This sensitive story of grief recovery is a great resource for parents to use to help their children understand and affirm their experience of the loss of a brother or sister. About The Author: Jewel Sample has a Master of Science degree in Family Relations and Child Development from Oklahoma State University. She and her husband, Chuck are the parents of three sons and grandparents of thirteen children. One grandchild died of Sudden Infant Death Syndrome. It is her hope this story gives insight into a family’s creative support and courage to move forward in the midst of their grief.

What About Heaven? (Little Blessings) by Kathleen Long Bostrom, Elena Kucharik (Illustrator) What about Heaven? is the next book in the best-selling Little Blessings line, using captivating art from Care Bears artist Elena Kucharik, along with wonderful text from Kathleen Bostrom. Preschool children and adults alike can explore the mysteries of heaven. 5 3/4 x 7 1/4 hardcover

More Books for Siblings: (Thank You Brenda for this list) Sibling Grief. Marcia G. Scherago, Redmond, WA: Medic publishing co. 1987 A booklet written by a bereaved parent who offers what she has learned through experience. It is intended to help people of all beliefs as it discusses problems common to all who must help siblings through their grief. Note: This book is out of print. Try looking for it at Half.com Recovering from the loss of a sibling. Katherine Fair Donnelly, New York Dodd mead and co. 1988 A book for older/adult siblings which shares their unique experience as they cope with the loss of a brother or sister, very helpful for parents to understand what their surviving children are feeling as the author describes the responses to death that may occur. Losing someone you love: When a brother or sister dies. Elizabeth Richter Putnam publishing co. 1986 Thoughts from several young people about their feelings at home and school after the death of a sibling (ages 12 and up) Note: This book is out of print. Try looking for it at Half.com Another look at the rainbow: straight from the siblings. Stephen Bird, Millbrake CA celestial arts 1982 Written for those whose younger sister or brother has died Am I still a sister? Alice M. Sims, Albuquerque, NM Rig A & co. 1988 (k-9) Thoughts and feelings of an 11 year old girl several years after the death of her baby brother. For those who live K. Latour, Omaha centering corp. 1983 For older children to help them cope with the death of a sibling. Also good for parents and grandparents. Note: This book is out of print. Try looking for it at Half.com The stone pony P. Calvert New York scribners 1982 A special story of the love between two sisters coping with chronic illness and the intense grief that is felt after one dies

Videos / Movies

Everything Put Together ~DVD~ Rated: R Not for sale to persons under age 18. Director: Marc Forster An idyllic suburban life has never been portrayed to more queasy effect than in Marc Forster's Everything Put Together. Angie (Radha Mitchell, High Art) seems to have it all--a loving husband, a close circle of friends, a baby on the way. But when her newborn dies of SIDS, the isolated grief that quickly intervenes presents an alarming portrait of modern-day tribal outcasting as the American dream gets turned inside-out to reveal a cruel undertow. Treated as though she might taint their own families with bad luck, Angie's girlfriends abandon Angie to her grief and increasingly unstable behavior. Forster (Monster's Ball) shuttles artfully between the intimate handheld camera commotion of communal activities--neighborly barbecues, shopping excursions, rap sessions among friends--and the motionless scenes of Angie's unhinged state when alone, to create an atmosphere of suburban suffocation matched only by Todd Haynes's Safe. Everything Put Together was shot entirely on digital video, and its innovative direction and excellent cast subvert the familiarity of the home video to chilling effect. --Fionn Meaden.

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